build a bridge…

18 Mar

Public service announcement to everyone: please stop using your Traumatic Life Experiences (TLE) as an excuse for why you…

  • can’t hold down a job,
  • can’t have a healthy and productive discussion of relationships,
  • can’t manage to do all the little things that normal functioning people have been doing for generations,
  • Etc.

I’m not trying to be insensitive. I understand that there are those who have genuine chemical, psychological or physiological illnesses (and they can and should be treated for them). Those aren’t the folks I’m talking about.

The folks I’m talking about belittle those with real illnesses by being such whiny, annoying, obnoxious individuals that try the patience of everyone around them to the point that it’s tough to have any left for those who really are suffering.

When they blow a gasket, over react, or are criticized in any way, these folks have an almost patented response that goes something like this:

“It’s not my fault. My (insert personal relationship like parent, sibling, teacher, coach, significant other) used to do that to me all the time. They would (insert some vaguely described negative experience, preferably centered on the person’s appearance or validity of their feelings, actions, etc.), and ever since then, I just can’t take it.” The more advanced the person is at claiming the TLE excuse, the more vague the response will be.

Seriously, build a bridge. You know the drill, now do it. And if you can’t do it on your own, then get the help you need to enable you to do it. And if you can’t or won’t do that, then kindly shut the fuck up. I’ve been through enough shit in my own life that I can honestly say life is better when  you let go of the garbage from the past. I’ve seen friends and family go through enough shit that I can pretty much say if I haven’t experienced it myself, I’ve held the hand of someone who has.

Molestation – been there and done that. In multiple ways, thanks. A few highlights: A boyfriend of my mother’s slipped me the tongue when kissing me goodnight. I was 8. Another deliberately set porn out where I could see it and would jerk off anytime my mom wasn’t around. I was 9. Another decided to take things a bit farther. I lost my virginity at age 10. The guy twisted things to make me feel like I was to blame for tempting him into misbehavior.

Guess what? It hasn’t made me incapable of trusting men, and it didn’t ruin my relationship with my mother (she never knew and I never told).

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